Therapy for Childfree by Choice Individuals in California
Embracing your choice to live authentically
I have noticed over the course of my career that there is a gap in therapeutic care for those who choose to be childfree by choice. Culturally there is still rarely a conversation around the complexities of choosing not to have children, and how to navigate the changes that you can experience in your relationships and the pressures you may feel from friends and family. There is so much vulnerability and strength in owning your decision to live authentically. I work with individuals who are on the fence about having kids as well as those who are confidently childfree to help them explore what life can look like outside of the social norm.
Therapy is a space for you to explore your feelings about your choice and navigate any challenges that may arise. Whether you're facing judgment from others, questioning your decision, or dealing with family expectations, I am here to help you process your emotions and strengthen your sense of identity. Therapy can also help you embrace the freedom and fulfillment that comes with your decision, allowing you to create a life that aligns with your values.
We will focus on enhancing your self-acceptance, managing any guilt or doubts, and addressing any external pressures you may feel. We will also explore how to foster meaningful connections and pursue personal growth in ways that are authentic to you. My goal is to help you feel empowered in your childfree journey, building the confidence to live a fulfilling life that is true to who you are. If you're ready to explore the unique aspects of your childfree choice and find support in your journey, I’m here to guide you every step of the way.
Navigating Difficult Conversations with Family: Setting Boundaries & Celebrating Your Childfree Choice
One of the toughest challenges for many childfree-by-choice individuals is navigating the “Bingo Card” conversations with family members. These are the recurring questions and comments—like “When are you having kids?” or “Don’t you want a family of your own?”—that can feel intrusive and hurtful. Learning how to respond with grace, while also protecting your emotional well-being, is key. I encourage you to use the “I feel ____ when you ____” framework to express how these conversations affect you. For example, “I feel hurt when you ask me why I haven’t had kids yet.” This allows you to express your feelings without sounding defensive, making it easier for others to understand your perspective.
At times, it might help to ask your parents or loved ones to clarify what makes this issue so important to them. Understanding their viewpoint can create empathy and open up a dialogue. You can say something like, “I hear that having grandchildren is important to you. Could you share more about why that is for you?” This shows that you’re listening to their feelings while also giving them the opportunity to express their emotions. However, if these conversations persist and make you uncomfortable, it’s perfectly okay to set boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I know this is important to you, but I’m not comfortable discussing this right now because it’s a personal choice for me.” Setting these boundaries protects your mental and emotional health while still showing respect for their views.
Celebrating Your Choice & Navigating grief
Choosing to be childfree is a deeply personal decision, and it’s important to celebrate that choice wholeheartedly. Therapy can help you embrace your decision with pride, allowing you to move forward without regret or doubt. However, it’s also natural to experience moments of grief. You may grieve the loss of the life others expect you to have, or feel the weight of disappointing family members. Together, we can work through these emotions, helping you process any feelings of loss while reaffirming your decision. Recognizing and honoring your choice, despite societal expectations, is empowering.
About the Author
Tori Smith is a licensed clinical social worker and owner of Victoria Smith, LCSW, Inc., an online and in-person therapy practice focused on helping young professionals heal from trauma and burnout, and quiet the critical internal voices of perfectionism, so they can live more fulfilling, connected lives. If you’re a California resident, schedule a free consultation call to learn more.
Building Your Community
Finding and building a supportive community is crucial on your childfree journey. Surrounding yourself with people who understand and respect your choice can offer the encouragement and connection you need to thrive. Therapy can help you explore ways to seek out like-minded individuals, create deeper relationships, and foster a sense of belonging within your unique path. Together, we can work on developing the confidence to build a community where you feel valued and supported.